It’s been a while… almost a year since I was on here last. Though I have started a lot of different blogs entries I never finished them.
Sometimes, when you don’t know where to start, just starting is the best option… so that’s what I am doing… starting right where I am.
Motherhood is hard.
There are so many things about it that are wonderful and amazing… but it’s hard. It is one of the most dying-to-self processes I have ever been through. Parenting challenges you, it exacerbates all your flaws. My exacerbated flaws become an every day occurrence it seems like. Let me be clear, I have 6 amazing kids. Even in the hard days they are still well behaved kids. I’d say most of the time it’s my response that is the hardest to reconcile, not their actions. Usually, it’s my response that dictates the outcome of situations.
I guess my thought is this- I feel like I fail a lot as a mother. Many times I wish my response could be different to my kids. I wish I was a well of patience and laughs for them, but it’s a struggle some days. I’ve been praying lately that God would give me more patience, and a deeper love.
My nights are the hardest. Before I fall asleep at night I process my day over and over. I think of all the places I fell short, all the ways I should have been more kind, or generous, or invested more time. And then I’m so thankful for the morning… it’s a new day. “His mercies are new every morning.” That verse has been a theme song in my heart for years… tomorrow is a new day.
The other morning I was getting ready and listening to worship music, thinking about all this, that it was a new day. I was once again thinking about all the ways I fall short and then I heard the words, “try again”. My heart gripped those words, hard. Those words echoed in my heart all day long and the days that followed. I failed and then instantly my soul spoke, “try again”. And I did. I failed. I tried again. I failed. I tried again. It was on repeat day after day. But I kept trying.
And I’m still trying.
I feel like these are my life words right now. Try again. It’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about the constant effort. It’s about failing and trying again, and again, and again, and again.
I don’t know where you are in life. I don’t know where you feel like you have missed the mark… but try again. Get up and try again. It’s worth the fight to try again. Just because we failed, again and again and again, does not give us permission to stop trying. So whatever it is, wherever you find yourself in life, try again, and again and again.
His mercies are new EVERY morning….
That was encouraging Shauna. I looked back when my son was just a boy and I failed a lot! But I did keep trying! Now he is frown and I’m trying as a wife. And trying as a grandmother. And trying as a Christian. And I keep trying! Thanks again Shauna!
Hey Wanda. That’s all we can do… try again. Sometimes that is one of the most powerful things we can do, show up and try again.
I know the feeling I went thru a divorce when my kids were 7 and 10 . I felt like such a failure and I really never talked to the kids about why? Till they were slit older. I didn’t always do the right thing but as you I tried. The enemy tries to bring it up even now.
His mercies are NEW every morning. Hang in there you got this!!!
Yes they are! His mercies are new every morning!